I LOST MY WRITING JOURNAL.

SORRY EVERYONE. .

THE WORLD IS NOW GOING TO END.

AT LEAST THIS TREE IS BEAUTIFUL. . .

Little man

"Dear -----. I am speaking to you. I am the little man sitting in your head telling you what to say, what to do...Who to be."

This man who is sitting in my head told a story last Friday about how the snow is nothing but rain... but frozen to create something more beautiful then before.

I asked this little man
"what was the point of this story?"

He replied
"The point is, that you are beautiful, but with hard work you can become something more beautiful. That with hard work you can create something so simple but meaning so much."

I laughed, replying "Im sorry."
The only reason why this little man was sitting in my head was because i forgot to take my little blue pill this morning.

Hurry Fast.
From day to day we hurry too fast, goals get left behind.
She paid for her in and out, that he couldn't keep up with.
She arrived, slammed the door and he stood there empty handed with a smile, went back to pick up her waiting heart attack.

I tried

I tried being like you today.
But its hard striving to be something so low and beastly.
Going through life trying everything you can to be better then everybody else.
Falling flat on your face every time. How do you do it?
Knowing that you will never live up the the standards of "love".
I tried feeling how you feel today.
But it's impossible to kneel on the ground for years just praying that one day someone might pick you up and take you home.
Because i know the sound of someone you love greatly, hanging up the phone. All you hear is that terrifying beeping.
I tired being something im not.
I felt lost, more lost then i already was.
I wanted to be just like "you"
I just couldnt handle the bruising.
I couldent handle being lost with you two.
Being lost in the eyes of regret and pain.
Trying so hard to live up to "love" and "faith"
When all you had to do was believe in him.
I dialed 911 today and asked if God was there.
The operator got upset and told me this was emergencies only.
Do any of you know Gods number? Or how to get a hold of him?
Because I tried, its imposable.
I tired being like you today.
Falling over my own feet, taking small steps just to keep myself off the ground.
I tried being like you today.
Creating the world and man in 7 days. Or was it six?
Either way it seems unbelievable
I tried being like them today.
Judging the world based on a small book filled with tissue paper and the tears of sinners.
I tried holding myself back today.
I told myself over and over again not to let myself fall for you.
I want to get lost in your eyes forever, not having to worry about anything or anyone.
I want to get lost inside your heart, your veins and your soul.
I want to get lost in your lungs. Taking away your oxygen. Taking away your life.
Because that is just how much I love you, and everything you do.

The worry list

I worry that I wont ever get my heart broken.

I worry that i will get my heart broken.


I worry that my hair isn't as good as i think it is.


I worry that I will forget what it feels like to be happy.


I worry i wont be able to remember sadness.


I want to remember the night drives we shared with our emotions behind us and the old cold parks.


I worry your gonna be gone, that when i need you i cant get you back.


This list is what kills me.


I worry that we cant talk like we used to and that when i see you, you wont smile.


I worry that I will be the reason for your death, that i will be the reason for your scares.

I remember seeing you and wanting to make you mine. The day you held my hand was the day we first hung out.


The day she was born, i thought it was so perfect that nothing could fail.


We lost everything that was.


I worry that I'm doing the wrong thing. That i just need help.


I worry that I'm crazy. That I'm actually medically insane.


I worry that i cant feel love, that i cant feel sympathy nor empathy.


I don't want to be the way i am. I dont want to keep destroying hearts.


I want to run into you so bad. Where ever i go i hope to see you.


I just want to tell you about my life and how I'm feeling.


I worry that my makeup will smear or that it wont stay on.


I worry that i walk funny and that people are staring at my ass.


I worry. I worry nonstop.


But most of all i worry that what i did was a mistake, that i will never be the same.


I worry that when i see you i will beg you to take me back.


That when you take me back everything will fall apart again.


I want to lay with you so bad. Just to wake up and see that your there again.


I dont want her to grow up and be ruined, to be so confused about what love is. Just because i am.


When your so broken hope is gone and when your heart falls to your stomach and you fall to the ground and cry.


I worry that i will be broken forever, and no matter how hard i try i wont be happy.


I worry that i wont be able to write how i want to write.


I worry that i am forgetting something on this list, or that I'm forgetting happiness that we shared.

DAMN FOOLS

Listen to my voice because this will be the last you ever hear.
I'm done with this fucking world and your fucking lies.
I swore i would never hate. You swore you'd never lie.
We meant so much and it was done so fast.
We both moved on, but when you did i couldn't handle it.
I cant have you be happier with someone other then me.
If everything you said was true i will take back everything i say.
But its all a lie. So I'm not sorry.
Life has no meaning without death.
Life has no meaning without love.
So why is it that we fear it?
Because it is all built on lies. We will never be the same again.
This was all for our entertainment. We will never love again.
We think we know what love is, but no body has any fucking idea.
I will let this bleed one last time. My heart will never be the same.
I'm okay with that. I never wanted this to be the same. I never want to feel again...
The last of the world smile, the last of the world have no idea whats coming.
We will all die. We will all die.
The world is built on lies and life is built on false hope. One day we will all realize we wasted it trying to find something that never existed.
We are all fake. Smiling at one another, acting like we care.
We are all damn fools. We fake our way through life to be liked, to find love.
I never wanted to care so much about someone the way i cared for you.
How can we love if we don't hate?
The strongest part about us are the lies we make. The lies we make to keep the world happy.
We are all going to hell. Might as well give up hope now because there was never such thing.