The worry list

I worry that I wont ever get my heart broken.

I worry that i will get my heart broken.


I worry that my hair isn't as good as i think it is.


I worry that I will forget what it feels like to be happy.


I worry i wont be able to remember sadness.


I want to remember the night drives we shared with our emotions behind us and the old cold parks.


I worry your gonna be gone, that when i need you i cant get you back.


This list is what kills me.


I worry that we cant talk like we used to and that when i see you, you wont smile.


I worry that I will be the reason for your death, that i will be the reason for your scares.

I remember seeing you and wanting to make you mine. The day you held my hand was the day we first hung out.


The day she was born, i thought it was so perfect that nothing could fail.


We lost everything that was.


I worry that I'm doing the wrong thing. That i just need help.


I worry that I'm crazy. That I'm actually medically insane.


I worry that i cant feel love, that i cant feel sympathy nor empathy.


I don't want to be the way i am. I dont want to keep destroying hearts.


I want to run into you so bad. Where ever i go i hope to see you.


I just want to tell you about my life and how I'm feeling.


I worry that my makeup will smear or that it wont stay on.


I worry that i walk funny and that people are staring at my ass.


I worry. I worry nonstop.


But most of all i worry that what i did was a mistake, that i will never be the same.


I worry that when i see you i will beg you to take me back.


That when you take me back everything will fall apart again.


I want to lay with you so bad. Just to wake up and see that your there again.


I dont want her to grow up and be ruined, to be so confused about what love is. Just because i am.


When your so broken hope is gone and when your heart falls to your stomach and you fall to the ground and cry.


I worry that i will be broken forever, and no matter how hard i try i wont be happy.


I worry that i wont be able to write how i want to write.


I worry that i am forgetting something on this list, or that I'm forgetting happiness that we shared.

DAMN FOOLS

Listen to my voice because this will be the last you ever hear.
I'm done with this fucking world and your fucking lies.
I swore i would never hate. You swore you'd never lie.
We meant so much and it was done so fast.
We both moved on, but when you did i couldn't handle it.
I cant have you be happier with someone other then me.
If everything you said was true i will take back everything i say.
But its all a lie. So I'm not sorry.
Life has no meaning without death.
Life has no meaning without love.
So why is it that we fear it?
Because it is all built on lies. We will never be the same again.
This was all for our entertainment. We will never love again.
We think we know what love is, but no body has any fucking idea.
I will let this bleed one last time. My heart will never be the same.
I'm okay with that. I never wanted this to be the same. I never want to feel again...
The last of the world smile, the last of the world have no idea whats coming.
We will all die. We will all die.
The world is built on lies and life is built on false hope. One day we will all realize we wasted it trying to find something that never existed.
We are all fake. Smiling at one another, acting like we care.
We are all damn fools. We fake our way through life to be liked, to find love.
I never wanted to care so much about someone the way i cared for you.
How can we love if we don't hate?
The strongest part about us are the lies we make. The lies we make to keep the world happy.
We are all going to hell. Might as well give up hope now because there was never such thing.

Just let go

Breath in Slowly and listen softly because i gave up.

I'm letting go.

Iv waited to long to feel your touch.

I'm not this tough.

You said we'd last "Forever".

But you left me all alone.

This bed is so cold.

I'm longing for your touch.


I'm afraid of letting go of you

I'm afraid of seeing you

So close your eyes and hear me say "I'm letting go" and washing this away.

Not a trace of you and I'm okay.

How many times can the world smile while i cry?

The people fade into the back round.

I'm so cold hear without you.

I just want this to end.

When this all dies, i will feel you with me.

The night whispers sad lines in my ear.

I want you with me.

I'm afraid of letting go of you

I'm afraid of seeing you

So close your eyes and hear me say "I'm letting go" and washing this away.

Not a trace of you and I'm okay.

I'm okay.

I hold your drawing in my hand.

My body shivers.

You left me abandoned.

I'm not this tough. I'm not this strong.

Listen to my voice.

I will see you again.

The gates will open up and ill hold your hand.

Till i fall asleep ill let you go.

Not a trace of you and I'm okay.

I'm okay.

I'm okay.

Favorite Movie

Requiem for a Dream is in my opinion one of the best movies ever made. The music in it is amazing it is done be Clint Mansell. You can just feel the emotion of the actors and the music sucks you into the movie. There is a scene in the movie where they are getting high but its like flashes of there eyes to the drug to a scene and the music just makes it amazing. The movie is more of an art to me rather then a movie, i think its just beautiful.

In the beginning it shows how they have a pretty decent life and are making good money but towards the end everything kind of goes to hell. But it is a great movie. Definitely a must see.

Love?

No one will care about you the way I do.

Love.

Love.

Love.

Is such a frightening word. Is such a...loveless word.

Whatever that means.

Your so great.

I would change for you.

I will do everything for you.

Whatever that means.

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Jealousy

The poem "Funeral Blues" By W.H. Auden

This poem makes me so jealous, because when i read it i can completely feel the writers emotion. This poem can also mean so many different things to different readers. I feel like i can relate this poem, to losing my dog(how? i don't know, but i just can). I want to be able to write with so much emotion and yet have the poem/writing be so simple. I love the line "I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong." It's so good. I can feel their pain.

Words of the dead

Cheeks. longing red cheeks. lost. warm.

Blushing. But nothing sworn.

Smiling. But so lost. Again.

The feeling of the end.

Eyes. Emptiness. Nothing left.

He swore this wasn't theft.

Hands. Beautiful hands. Holding tightly.

"Can I have you?" She asked politely.

"No." He said.

Cheeks. Cold cheeks.

"It was always dead." The world smiled.

This burning. Oh, this burning. Is so wild. So wild.

Smiling. But meaning nothing.

The world was always bluffing.

Eyes. Glossy. cold. Heartless.

Our words? Worthless.

"Lets leave this." her voice shook.

"No" He said, letting go.

Her sanity? Was all it took.